I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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