On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Damn victory sex feels great
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
