I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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