also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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