he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
