I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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