A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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