We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
