I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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