is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
