Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Randomize
