he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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