Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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