I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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