Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
