For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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