I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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