Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
