Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
As shirtless as possible
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
