Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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