I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
