he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
