You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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