i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
