To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The feeling are messing with the penis
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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