there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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