She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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