I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
