I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
