Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
