Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
