i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
