i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
