Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
