Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
