i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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