Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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