The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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