Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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