It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
