And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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