I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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