have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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