Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize