So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
