I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
