Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
