We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
