The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
