We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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