pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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