help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
