checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
