omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
