I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
