I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
