If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
