u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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